Bittersweet

I totally freaked out tonight when I realized it was the last night the kids would sleep in this house.
I started crying when i was putting kenna's jammies on. It hit me like a ton of bricks. (and i didn't even give them a bath tonight!!!)

Its weird to think we are leaving this home of so many memories. first roll overs, first crawls, first steps, first words...coming home from the hospital, christmases, backyard birthday parties.

i was crying and mckenna was being SO comforting. just rubbing my leg or my arm and just looking into my eyes with such compassion and strength...in a weird way. brooklyn just kep saying, "sad. mommy. daaady." i think she thought i was sad that John was at work. :) anyway, finally mckenna asked what was wrong. i said i was sad that we are leaving this house. and she looked at me with a big smile and said, "but you will be happy at our new house in colorado." and i had to smile and agree. :)

transitions are so hard for me. i cry as they approach and weep through the whole thing. and usually as soon as i'm on the other side i rarely look back.

this period of transition has been so hard. i was telling one friend that buying a house and moving has been the most permanent committment i've made since marrying John. (i realize its not REALLY permanent, but you know what i mean.)

its affecting so many people and i hate that we are making everyone so sad. but on the other hand, i know we are follwing God's leading. and i truly am excited about this next chapter of our lives. (imagine everyone having a place to sleep and 1 room to actually keep toys in!!!)

our neighbor, Maria, really affirmed us when she told us she was happy we were leaving. (what?!) she said that we needed to go in order to reach more people for Christ. that we had done what we needed to do on Chestnut Ave and that we needed to take Jesus to our next street.

what God has done on this street is crazy wild. and i know He's not done with us. He's going to stretch us and mold us and continue to draw us closer to Him. and I want that wether its in CA or CO.

so admist the mess of boxes and trash and sorted piles...I'm crying tears of grief as I put this part of my life behind me and I'm crying tears of joy as I release our future into our Father's hands.